Dear Scary Mommy

Dear Scary Mommy,

Last night I had one of the hardest night's I've had as a mother, and to make it worse my husband was gone on a business trip leaving me to tend to this cage of wild animals by myself. Am I mad at him for leaving? No. Am I jealous he has the opportunity to leave the home front for some self preservation time? HELL YES! He is a great man, I love him for everything he does for us, but dammit I am so jealous!

Back to the night of hell. Sometimes I feel like my kids team up and conspire against me, trying to find ways to drive me crazy. They put on the "I'm so cute" act which doesn't allow me to stay mad at them. I think its a smart tactic on their part, because they can get away with almost anything by giving me that chunky smile or a kiss on my cheek. Everyday it is something new, nothing in parent hood is the same! This brings me around to why I'm kinda of mad at my mom for not warning me of everything that comes along with raising children. I guess she wanted me to be initiated the way she was. That or it was payback for all the crap I put her through. Well played Mom....well played.

Being a mom is NOT easy, and those who say it is must be drinking wine on the regular. This is why I turn to you, because you keep it real. You tell it like it is, and your Blog has become my daily "newspaper" read to help me stay in reality of just how hard it can be. Yes, I cherish both the good and the bad days, I try very hard to stay sane on days of complete chaos. Yet that doesn't change the fact that parenthood is HARD.

Unfortunately, on nights like last night I find myself crying and wanting to run away (just to get sleep). It's like my kids had a secret game of "Tag your it", because as soon as I got one down the other would wake up. Like some cruel wrestling match were they tapped each other in so I never got a moment of rest. Last night in my sleepless daze of confusion, I stumbled upon this article called "On Motherhood and Sleepless Nights " that was shared by a fellow sleepless mom. As I read, relating to everything it said, I got to the last paragraph and it made me cry...ok ok it made me sob like a baby. Like she was talking directly to me in my time of need,

My son Mikey is only 6 months old, so he is in that teething sucks-your out of my sight I'm alone in the world stage. My daughter Aleksus is 3 years old, and in the stage of why questions, and I'm going to see how far I can push mommy. Getting anything done is nearly impossible so my house isn't always clean. Thankfully, my husband understands that these two kids are hard to handle along with the rest of my wifey duties.

However, I hate when I can't have a shower alone, let alone get 5 mins to poop by myself! Never in my life before kids did I have an audience while pooping, peeing, or taking a shower. But I guess that just comes with the job. The job I chose to take on when I decided I wanted a family. I love my children with every fiber of my being, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like some time away from them. After all, distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? RIGHT?!

Thankfully, I have the internet to help me through the motherhood woes. Groups of women who are going through the same thing I am, and we can vent to each other about the hard times while sharing the good times. I've been in a group where we have talked and known each other since before our 3 year olds were born, and a group of mommies where our kids are now all reaching 6 months. If I didn't have them I would be alone in this parenting gig. So thank you Internet Super Highway for helping me to keep sane.

After a night like last night, I try to remember all of the good times I have had with my children. How their smiles make my heart beat out of my chest. How warm their hugs are, and the joy I find in watching them grow into their own personalities. Though motherhood is hard, exhausting, terrifying, and not always self fulfilling. It's payment of happiness, unconditional love, and rewards are something only a mother can understand & enjoy. I have declared that last night was hell, but today is a new day and I will try to make it a good one. Thanks for Listening.

-Your biggest Fan
A Imperfect Mom